The Star today picked up on the story about the novel ‘buy-on-the-spot’ coffee shop parade of Vietnames Bride service available now to Malaysian men. I am always puzzled by our homegrown “creativity” in vices (top dvd pirates, top credit card cloners) yet hardly making a mark in the world for other reasons.

On the onset, since I am not a full time blogger but a person who actually works for a living, I am not going to write volumously and will try to skirt the the moral or legal hangups associated with mail-order brides or bridal parades such as is evident in Malaysia now.

As you would appreciate, it is a controversial subject and emotions can run high and ruin any logical discourse. It is a subject matter that would depend on your ‘prejudice’ - whether you view the brides as forced-victims or willing-participants; or you view the men as lust-driven vultures or hopelessmen looking for a life companion; or whether you condemn these agents as the new sexslave-traders or as cupids to enjoin lonely souls. [links to other bloggers' discourses are in this text]

What i am curious to know is - what are the reasons for such a trend in finding brides from rural undeveloped countries?

The marrying of vietnamese, filipino or even russian brides is not confined to Malaysia or even Singapore. It has been a phenomena in Taiwan and Korea too as reported. According to a report way back in 1999, some 18,000 vietnamese women have been married to Taiwanese men in years preceding that report. My guess is - the number should be higher now.

There is a report by the Strait Times stating that the number of international marriages in South Korea soared to 19,214 in 2003 from 11,017 the year before - an increase of 74 per cent - according to official statistics. According to that report, about 8 out of every 100 marriages involves a foreign spouse. About 70% of those involve ethnic-Korean brides from China, “while the rest are mainly from Vietnam, Thailand and Uzbekistan.”

I wouldnt even dare to go into detail about such phenomenon in the US and England, which i would suspect would experience similar rise.

My personal views in relation to this growing trend - is that there are perhaps 4 general socio-economic forces at work - 2 economic and 2 sociological.

One, regionalisation of the masses - the mass migration of people to cities. Cities have become the predominant place to live and work. It was estimated that 80% of the population of the world will be in cities by the year 2010. Viewing from the lonely hearts perspective, those who are above 30s and working in the rural places, would find that the number of women to choose from dwindle - as more and more young women work in the cities. Young brides from Vietnam is filling the gap left by the urban migration of young women.

Another possible reason is the Income Gap - there is a growing income gap between the rural folks and the city dwellers. This income gap is also a factor in the growing migration evidenced globally. The abject poverty in rural places creates this human market of people desperate to have a better life. Rural vietnam (as well as thailand) may be the poorest in this region and since they are generally fair and petite, they are sought after by men from other asian countries.

Three, the sensual world, where women are predominantly portrayed and perceived as mere sensual beings affecting the male expectations of the ideal wife, or companion. There movies, television, popular magazines, music videos all portray women who are slim, tall, model like frame, with Joliesque lips, and fair. The world is obsessed with looking younger, slimmer as evidenced by the mushrooming beauty and slimming centers. More so for men who tends to be visually stimulated, this growing trend of focusing on outer appearance creates in men in general the picture of an ideal women - which in most instance unfortunately does not exist. How many of these model like women are like their photos in real life?

Finally, another possible reason for the growing trend to marry rural brides is the growing career-driveness of women. I am not saying that it is a bad thing to be career-minded and to be financially independent. Women focused on having a career will generally want to be married later and when they are prepared to settle down, they are already in their 30s. And successful career women have a partner wish list that may not be realistic. They want men who are more successful then them. Even if there were, these men would either be married already or would have a strong apprehension to marry someone so similar - opposites do attract. The women would say that the men are just threatened and they wont choose an insecure man. Truth is there are very few secure men who would choose a driven woman.

The general complains from men is that career minded women are too demanding - ie. expecting the man to be the romance novel prince charming, and yet metro-sexual, adventurous yet stable, interesting conversationalist yet a good listener, slim and active. They want to be able to be moms without sacrificing their careers, have independence while having someone to depend on.

Men in turn generally prefers women to be submissive, easily pleased, able to cook, do chores, willing to be mothers to put it blatantly. Men who are above 30s and are not successful, not so goodlooking, dont have the requisite social skills will find it very difficult to find a marriage partner in the city-world especially a career-driven woman.

Obviously, their respective expectations differs so much that rural brides becomes immediate solution. So does china-dolls ,but I shallnot go to that.

Perhaps, the answer to the growing trend is not so complicated. Case example: I have a scholar friend who married his secretary, who looked like a model in disguise. When I asked him why he didnot choose someone from his socio-economic standing like another scholar or a fellow professional. His answer was this - “i just want someone who is dumb enough to be my wife.” Case close.

Also Read: MyLongkang’s sad tale

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